MIA

Last time I opened up this blog to try and write something was back in February of this year.  And yes I say try and write because as much as I wanted to get on here and write I couldn't bring myself to do it.  To share my life with people when I've been basically avoiding sharing my life with almost everyone for the past year and a half, but it honestly feels like two.

A year and a half ago a huge accident happened and that I still today feel hugely responsible for and know that those people will never talk to me again.  And within that same time an individual I loved had just left and again told me that he didn't think it was a good time for us to try and start a relationship when he was the one who initiated it.  I honestly was broken and falling apart.  For months I didn't want to talk to anyone and was depressed and on medicine.  I could never forgive myself for what happened and still don't.  And besides the people who know, I'll probably never put it out there on here.  And maybe one day I'll be brave enough to.


I'm still lifting and competing.  I went to nationals last year in Valley Forge, PA.  And this summer it's off to Albuquerque, NM.  I use these meets as a way to travel to different places in the US.  And honestly I love it.  I couldn't ask for a better combination of traveling to compete at different places around the US.   Put some more pins on my pin map.
I've switched lifting coaches as of recently and so far so good.  I get regular feedback and I feel listened to. 

I've switched jobs.  I miss my old job a lot but my new job is a great opportunity for me.  I'm making a big dent in my car payments and hoping to have that paid off by the end of the year.  I'm grateful for this new job and the new opportunity to learn that it has given me.

And after that guy from 2 years ago, everything still hurts like it was only a month ago.  That memory hurts that I've only wished I had memory lose just so I wouldn't have to feel that pain and the memories anymore.  I still wonder how he's doing and of course wonder if I ever cross his mind.  I tried dating for a bit at the beginning of the year and I let them move too fast so needless to say they didn't work out and I'm back to not dating again.  And realizing that what I was letting happen was just a temporary fix and that I was worth better than that.  That I am worth taking out and getting to know on a slow basis, not hanging out at my apt all the time. Which honestly should have been the first sign.  But I'm so guarded at this point I don't even want to allow myself to feel that way about someone the way I felt about him.
I remember the day when I was younger and wanted to be married by the time I was 26 years old....5 years later. Now honestly I'm hoping for 35 but we'll not make that an actual thing.  My first goal is a dog family and hoping to get her by the beginning of next year!  Fingers crossed.

American Open Series 2

Here is the link to watch the live feed
Info:

Date: 27 July
Time: 245pm
Platform: Red

https://www.teamusa.org/USA-Weightlifting/live/Red-Platform

It's Been Awhile

I know it's been awhile since I've posted.  I hadn't been in the mood to write, fighting between sharing and not sharing based on simply knowing not wanting people I know to read about some parts of my life or have them know what's going on.

Since January, besides what I've written that has really gone into detail about my present day activities, I've had: my car stolen (it's still galavanting around without me), bought a new car, started the Dave Ramsey Total Money Makeover, competed in an oly meet, cancelled my birthday trip, replaced it with a trip I practically didn't have to pay for, and registered for Nationals.


Okay so first...
My car was stolen at the end of January.  Coincidentally, on the 5 year anniversary of me moving out here.  I had the morning off and went down to warm up my car like I always do because it takes it forever to get warm.  A van was pulling in when I went down and I was a little suspicious of it.  I lingered at my car for a bit and finally went back upstairs but left my apt door open and stood there and watched to make sure no one got into my car.  When the van pulled away I shut my apt door.  When I went to leave my apt not even 5min later, my eyes were seeing everything correctly but my brain literally had to do a double take.
I was barely upset about it because there wasn't much I could do at this point besides call the police and insurance and report it.  I realized how truly blessed I am with my co-workers and people in my bible study class. A co-worker's husband came and picked me up and gave me a ride to work.  And later that day another co-worker that I dog sit for let me borrow an extra car that they had until I found another car or mine was miraculously returned.  I only had it for 2 weeks.

So I found myself another car only two weeks later.  And as much as I could have just bought another car to get myself by.  I didn't want to get another car that I just thought of as a filler until I finally got my dream car.  So I decided to go ahead and bite the bullet and buy my dream car.  No my dream car isn't brand new but a newer body style.  And I finally have my dream car and I absolutely love it.  A car I actually want to take care of!

My Total Money Makeover
My finances are always something I've always been very self-conscious about.  I was doing well when I first moved here.  But after switching jobs several times I've found a job that I love but it doesn't pay a lot.  And finances are a stressor for me.  I've been self-conscious that people will judge me by the amount of money or the lack there of that I make and even to the point where someone wouldn't want to date me because of it.  So, Dave says to pay for everything in cash.  It's all a new process to me and pulling a lot of money out of my paycheck scares me, it's true.  When you see the money leaving your had, you're less likely to spend it.   He has 7 Baby Steps
BS1: $1000 emergency fund (which I've had for awhile)
BS2: snowball method all debt (least amount first to largest amount) My total is around $14,8000
BS3: 3-6 months living expenses

These are the main 3 I'm focused on right now.  My goal for BS2 is when I hit my car payments full on, I can pay my car off in 3.5-4 years.  I have to finish paying my mom off first (for my stolen car).
I'm scared about this process but super excited as well!  

Queen City Classic
Well before QCC, I had a meet in February in Cary.
I hadn't trained anything over 70% of my oly lifts so coach and I agreed just to have fun with it and use it as platform time.
My numbers were 57/63/120 (snatch/clean & jerk/total - for those that don't follow olympic lifting).  Off my best total by 6kg.  Huge different in my opinion
So moving on...
Queen City Classic was only 2 weeks ago, but it feels like longer.  We dropped my weightless down to 53kg (I was a 58) in order to get my body use to being at this weight and make it easier to qualify for Nationals - finals in December.  I weighed in where I was suppose to.  This meet definitely didn't go as I had planned.  I had been hitting 90% of my maxes in training for the past 3 weeks prior to this meet so I was feeling confident about hitting these percentages.  Instead of having an awesome meet, I only went 2/6.  By far my worst meet ever!
And this 2/6...those 2 were my last attempts for each lift.  It was a very close call to not making a total at all!  After beating myself up for about a week and a half I finally realized that I had done well despite what I felt was a terrible performance.  It was also my first meet with my coach being there to coach me in person through a meet since January of last year!
I had dropped a weight class and increased my total by 5kg since my previous meet
120kg total @ 58kg BW
125kg total @ 53kg BW 
Can only go up from there.

So at the beginning of April I registered for the American Open Series 2 in King of Prussia, PA.  I'm super excited to be traveling for a meet.  It will be my first National meet  It would be awesome to attend a meet in each state and even compete in an international meet.  So off to PA I go in July.  I will also come back to post the link so if anyone wants to watch because the meet will have a live feed on USA Weightliftings website.
Here's the link to the website and I'll post it again closer to time and what day/time/platform I will lift on at the comp.
https://www.teamusa.org/USA-Weightlifting
So you'll be updated on that just incase you want to watch.  But I'm excited about going to Amish country on my day off and exploring some of PA

Travel
My feel like my soul has been more of a paper airplane lately, just wanted to be light and explore the world.  It's wanting to be anywhere but here and traveling and hiking the world.  My heart for some reason is screaming to be out west.  Which was part of the reason I was so looking forward to heading to Arizona.  My soul belongs outdoors and exploring.  I was looking forward to seeing the Grand Canyon and hiking to Havasu falls.  But it will be put on the bucket list for a later trip.  I had to logically cancel the trip because of my car getting stolen and having to purchase another one.  Other factors contributed to the cancellation of the trip.  One of the requirements to hike to Havasu Falls (10mi hike) is that you can not hike alone.  My friend that was suppose to go with me backed out about a month in advance so that left me scrambling to find someone else to go with me so I could experience this amazing place.  Not to mention that this reservation sells out very quickly every year, so you need to call the day that the Reservation opens up reservations.  It's located on Indian lands so hiking there requires a permit which you can't get unless you are booked to stand on the grounds.
So after the hassle of cancelling my flight and getting my money back for it my mom had all these extra points to go somewhere that needed to be used before the end of June and I still had my flight voucher I needed to use after coming back from Colorado last year.  So knocking a different place off the bucket list it was...New Orleans, Louisiana!
Now granted this was a place that Fidget and I had talked about meeting before his first deployment when he moved back to WA 2 years ago.  Welp, I'm going now.  Mostly likely by myself but I'm super excited.  I'm getting out there and traveling like I've always wanted.  And PA is just an addition to that list but definitely wasn't on my list of places to go.   But traveling for meets I'm not opposed to since it's one of the things I would like to do.

Fidget.
So you've heard about Fidget a lot, and this will probably be the last time you hear about him.  As much as I would like for him to remain apart of my life in the way that I have wanted him to, that's just not reality.
A song comes to mind when I think about things now.
"Like I Loved You" by Brett Young,  I can always have feelings for him and part of me probably always will but I've realized that he will never feel about me they way I have felt about him.  As much as it sucks and I feel stupid for feeling those feelings, that's the reality of the situation.  I guess it's just hard because I was more open with him about things, more comfortable with him than I ever have been with someone else.  And it's scary when that person decides they don't to be apart of your life anymore.  
Let me go back a bit.  If you've never heard that song by Brett Young before, then it's basically a guy singing about how much he loved a girl and when they split up she's okay with being friends and him seeing other people, whereas, the guy is on the complete opposite end of that.  It's hard for him to be friends with her since he loved her and he's not okay with the idea of her dating other people because of his love for her.  So they never truly felt the same kind of love for each other.
And I'll admit, it sucks because I'm lonely and just want to be in love but at the same time I don't know if I ever want to feel that or be that comfortable with someone again.  And I'm sure with time those feelings will probably go away but I'll probably be very hesitant about anyone.
Now Fidget does want to be friends and I'm honestly not sure.  I told him we could be which just means randomly talking when he reaches out to me, but he feels comfortable sharing things with me like he always had although he did close himself off after his last work trip and I felt like I have had to pull back A LOT!!  I have to think that I have to do what's best for me in this situation.  I've never been friends with any of my exes and I'm not sure how to do this.

But anyway the next I'll be writing is during/after New Orleans

Best of 2017 & More for 2018

I've been wanting to write on my blog for awhile now, but something has been stopping me.  I've been keeping my life more to myself lately and honestly it feels good.  When I stopped writing last year two things in my life happened that I just couldn't deal with very well.  I had changed someone's life forever without meaning to (not in the best way) after an amazing day and I couldn't forgive myself for it.  I've started to come to terms with it now but I still wish things wouldn't have happened. And dealing with someone leaving my life that I care about so much and not knowing what would happen from here on out was hard for me.

Yes we share our lives on social media (facebook, instagram, snapchat, twitter and other social media platforms), only two of which I am on.  I don't feel the need to have thousands of media platforms for people to follow my life on.  Granted being followed by many would be great to inspire people but the number of people isn't important to me.
So yes, I've wanted to write for awhile, but what's the point of writing on here if I wasn't going to publish it.  I have part of my life that I haven't wanted to share with someone.  If you want to know what's going on with me and my life, then pick up the damn phone, reach out to me and find out.  I mean it takes 2sec, at the minimum, to send a simple text message these days.  And now you can even voice a text messages.  So that's the other reason I decided to stop writing.  Yeah it's sweet that people I know read this, but if you can get ahold of me and you read these blogs and want to know what's going on in my life please just reach out to me.  A phone call, text message is going to mean a ton more to me than you reading this (although it does make me go aww inside haha).  So it's a mix of thinking it's sweet and irritation.

Last year I had some amazing moments in my life, from lift PRs I never thought I would hit because my progression feels slower than it should be, to traveling to Colorado.  I've wanted to go back out and explore the west more since then.  I think my favorite part was definitely going to Colorado and snowboarding.

But this year, so far, has been amazing, only 12 days in.  I've woken up every morning with a smile on my face and have my head in a certain space when it comes to love in my life.  As much I would love to fall in love, get married and have kids one day I also have to accept that this may not be God's plan for me.  And for someone who would love this to happen in my life that's sad to think about.  But as for now as much as I would love to be in love I may never have that in my life to get married.  I don't think of this as a pessimistic point of view but more of facing a reality and not getting my hopes up to become disappointed later on.  There were many influential women in the Bible that were never married and this may be the plan. Shhhhh, I thought I had met the person I was suppose to spend the rest of my life with once but turns out I was wrong.
Being around people who are dating or are married had been difficult for me because it is something that I want for my life and it has made me feel left out and lonely.  But no longer.


My goals for this year are pretty simple...

1. take better care of myself 
(self-care each day) to become more comfortable in my own skin and build my confidence (cause I have all the confidence in the gym just not so much outside of it which it sucks to admit)
2. be more social
3. travel more (one trip already booked and I can't wait)
4. become fluent in asl (practice e w/ my cousin 1x/week + classes)
5. become a better shooting (making plans with a friend to practice each month)
6.  work on decorating my apt (slowly each month)
7. 68-70kg snatch & 80kg C&J

I've also decided to make a Jack & Rose list for all the things that we said we would do together but I know won't happen
1. New Orleans, LA
2. Jackson Hole, WY (I'll attempt to ski, but will end up switching to snowboarding)
3. Northern Lights

Barbells & Brews

This was the meet that my coach and I had been waiting for!  The slow cut, then panicky one; the long hard struggle though training of volume cycles and strength cycles.  The frustrations of why lifts were feeling harder than they should and slower than they should.  Many panicking moments from me, texting my coach asking questions.

It was finally here....Barbells and Brews 2017

The goal apparently was to become more consistent with my lifts (from my coaches standpoint).  My goal was to hit some PRs on the platform.

Warming Up
This was the fun part.  Because I was the last person to start my snatches in my session I had to hang out and wait for several minutes to even begin warming up.  Sean, who coached me through B&B, told me to get out of the warm up area.  Easier said than done, for me anyway.  I didn't have anyone there that I knew really enough to hang out with.  Mom hadn't shown up yet, she was working at a yard sale.  So I kind of walked back and forth between the warm up area, hanging out in there, and between the crowd of spectators.  
Finally I was able to touch a barbell.  I let Sean know that snatches had been feeling slow from the floor and he told me to drive through those quads that I have.  So I listened and used them during warm ups.

Snatching
I was nervous about my opener since I had only made my last snatch at the Appalachian Open back in July.  Hitting an opening lift, just snatches, is always nerve racking for anyone.   Last meet I went quick to my set up and got mentally distracted by the crowd in front of me and the judges.  This time, I took the time to chalk up and look around at the crowd, get my bearings and then step onto the platform.
Snatch 1: 56kg
I walked onto the platform, placed my feet and hands on the bar.  Got into my set up position and pulled the bar. Trying to remember in all that process, glad I hadn't gotten distracted by all the people in front of me, to be quick underneath the bar.  Before I knew it I had caught the bar and was standing up easy with it.  I got a little excited and started to drop the bar right as the center ref was lowing his arm for the down signal.  
(for those that don't know...if you drop the bar before the ref gives the down signal the lift won't count)
I always forget this since I'm not use to having to get the down signal.  Luckily it was close enough that I received credit for the lift.  This I was happen about.  It was good to get those nerves out of the way.

Snatch 2: 60kg
This is be the heaviest snatch I had attempted on the platform (at a meet).  My PR is 62kg.  I did the same set up for this snatch as I did the previous one.  I took my time before stepping onto the platform again.  Taking a glance at the crowd and the refs that would be in front of me.  I had already chalked up my heads, gotten some tips from Sean, took a deep breath and stepped onto the platform to attempt my second snatch.
I placed my feet and bent down to grab the bar, left hand then right hand, bent my knees, head up and then pulled.  
I swear I can never see the barbell passing in front of me, just the feel of it.  How it feels coming off the floor, as it passes my hips and I start the pull and start to pull my body under.  The next thing I feel is the catch overhead.  How stable it is, was my body prepared for it?  Everything felt solid, an easy catch.  And stood it up easy.
This time I remembered to wait for the ref to give the down signal and dropped the bar.  Another good lift!

Snatch 3: 63kg
This would be a great way to hit a snatch PR for me.  And on the platform at a big meet!  I did everything like I had the previous two snatches.  Everything felt easy, even the catch.  But for some reason when I caught the barbell overhead something happened and it fell in front of me.  I wish I could pin point why I missed this snatch but I can't.  Everything felt great.  
I had tried this number about 3 weeks prior in training and was nowhere close to getting underneath the barbell.  I would start to pull under and then stop.  But honestly I was happy with that attempt that I had gotten completely under the bar and into the receiving position.  Granted making this attempt would have been even better but I was happy with what happened.

Clean & Jerks


I was going to finish this blog at some point but unfortunately life gets in the way.  Which is going to take me away from writing for awhile.  Maybe I'll find the passion in me to write again and hopefully encourage some people and give hope to people out there along the way who are dealing with life's troubled spots.
I'm going through one of those troubled spots.


But until I decide to write again.  Take care, God Bless and keep pushing forward with mental and physical strength from God.


Love,
Tiff

Learning What Calms My Soul + Back to Work

Time for Adventure

The week before school started I was able to get out of my apartment from taking care of dogs, twice, and do something.  I can't tell you how much it cleared my mind and took stress off of me.  

Monday, my mom and I took the day and went to Wrightsville Beach, which I believe I briefly told you about in the last blog post I wrote.  I hit the gym that morning and then took care of some dogs and when I got home mom was hard at work on making out eclipse cereal boxes.  She got cereal that I liked so it wouldn't go to waste.  We didn't end up leaving until around 9 and by the time we got there we were hungry so we set up on the beach and then headed up to Oceania, a restaurant on the pier, for some lunch.  I love crab cakes and and usually a sucker for them at a seafood restaurant so that's what I got.  I still tried to stick to my nutrition plan while I was there.

Once lunch was over we hung out on the beach and I worked on my tan more than mom did.  It didn't take her long to go hang out by the pier in the shade.  I like how dark my skin can get in the summer.  And my tan never completely fades during the long months until

summer starts again.  The eclipse was suppose to come by around 245 so when it started to get closer to that time mom and I tried to use the cereal boxes but it didn't work and you have to turn away from the sun to use them...that's no fun.  We wanted to look at the sun to see the eclipse.  Lucky for us plenty of people had glasses and nice enough to pass them back and forth to us.

Friday, I did have one drop in schedule for the day (a cat) that I took care of in the morning and then I had the rest of the day free.  I texted my friend Krystal to see if she wanted to have a much needed girls day and get out and get some much needed fresh air.  There's something about getting outside and away from home that just clears your head and being around water.  We made reservations at Cape Fear River Adventures in Lillington to go paddle boarding for 2 hours.  The weather was going to be gorgeous that day and the river ended up being pretty quiet.  We wish we would have spent the whole day.  It's one of my goals to live close to a place one day where I can go paddle boarding if I'd like to.  Once we were put on the water we were told to go to the left, up stream, that way when we headed back we would be down river.  It didn't take us long to paddle what the lady told us would be one mile so we went a little first and enjoyed the sun, trees, river view, and the water.  We were able to talk about a lot of stuff...life, guys, school, work, what was important to us.  And how we realize that the experiences we have, going and doing, is a lot more important to us than the things that we own.

The water felt great too and at some parts in the river you could actually see the bottom and stand up but we didn't jump off out boards there.  Only when we couldn't touch the bottom did we jump off our boards.  It felt great to do that a couple days before school started.  We'll definitely head out and do it again but as an all day trip!

Life goals:  travel more

I'm already looking at a trip to Australia next Dec.  (tickets are almost $3000...got to save up for that)

Australia is one of the countries on my bucket list to travel and has been for years.  (the others Italy and Greece, mainly.  I wouldn't complain about a trip to a tropical island with clear blue green waters either)

Having things isn't going to make me happy and spending money on them isn't going to allow me to travel.  I plan on budgeting how much I spend each month on personal things that I want to treat myself to and other than that I'm don't plan on spending any money.  O but I will be buying a map to put pins in of all the places I've traveled.  World, here I come!

Back At It

School started back two weeks ago and the first week was a little rough.  A parent complained that I said something to her daughter that she wears too much makeup (she does) but I'm not going to tell the kid that.  She's in middle school for crying out loud.  I spent most of my time in the office that first week helping with paper work so when I was finally put in a classroom on Friday it was funny to finally see some of kids faces whose names I had seen on papers repeatedly all week.  

We had one week of school and then a day off because of Labor Day, so that wasn't too bad.  I didn't do anything because I had a two different dog families to take care of.  So a low key weekend for me.  

Nothing too exciting so far this year but it's only just getting started.

Bad Dreams

Last week I had the same bad dream two nights in a row and a bad feeling that Monday as well.  I can't remember the last time I've had the same bad dream, but it's like the bad dream two nights in a row was a continuance of the night before.  There has to be a meaning behind it.

Some friends and family, and myself, all decided to take a trip together in Europe.  We were camping in someplace as well that wasn't in Europe.  One of my friend's parents tagged along with us and I'm not sure why.  But from about the middle of the trip he was trying to kill each of us, even his own daughter.  We were running and hiding from him in the woods and in places in very old tall run down business buildings.  Ones that has things destroyed inside, lights falling from the ceiling, windows broken, desks pushed all over the place.  Almost made me think of as if it were haunted.  We would be running and all of a sudden he would pop up out of nowhere in front of us.  And of course we either stand and stare in terror or scream and run.  I don't remember exactly anyone who was there, other than family, except in the last part before I woke up Fidget was there.  At the very end of the dream I jumped through a building window, not out into the open air, just a broken one inside the building.  Anytime we would see her dad we all kind of scattered and ran in opposite directions only to find each other again later.  I'm honestly a little weirded out by the dream.

So the bad feeling I had that Monday had to do with Fidget.  I just had a feeling that whenever I heard from him next he was going to give me some bad news, something I didn't want to hear, something that was going to hurt me.  So the bad thing I did was I told him I had a bad feeling about something with him and left it at that.  I didn't bother explaining that to him until about 2 weeks later.  Horrible of me to do.  Ever since I've had that feeling I've backed off from him because I don't want him to tell me something I don't want to hear that will hurt.  But let's be honest, he still crossed my mind every day.  The last thing I want to do is stress him out and I'm always afraid that I will.  Just wish I could hear from him.


But on a brighter note, I'm looking forward to this weekend....I'm going apple picking.   I'm in the mood to make some apple pies for some reason!

How Time Flies

14 Aug 2017

Jeez, it's almost been a month since I last wrote.  I honestly wish I could say I was sitting outside by the pond write now typing this blog, but it's so bloody hot outside.  Being outside gives my head clarity.  Now if only I was out of town enjoying the breeze.  I think that might be the only thing I enjoy about it changing to fall is a little bit of the weather cool off at night.  (O and the fact that it won't be so damn hot in the gym in the mornings...there's no AC.)  Enjoy the air outside then. But I enjoy the summer months, just not the heat at night.  Summer for me means time to relax and a bomb sun tan.  I haven't honestly had a lot to write about.  

July felt like it flew by, it's crazy.  And August feels like it's doing the same.  Part of me is happy about that because I have some things to look forward to in September, like Barbells and Brews at the end of the month and classes start.  But the faster August rolls by the closer I am to work starting again.  I've been so busy this summer I don't even feel like I've gotten a lot of time to even vacation.  And that feels weird.  But it's good to be busy!

Training & Nutrition

After the Appalachian Open I threw myself into my programming making that my main focus especially since I was still feeling good from my PR clean and jerk.  Little did I know that my coach's programming would take it's toll (high volume) and snatches would start feeling slow as shit.  Each week is was sets to failure and the sets increased every week!  Holy moly, and of course my goal was to push myself even harder each week and to make myself sore.  Mission accomplished on that end...quads, glutes, hamstrings, and upper body!  

This past Saturday I was so busy with pups that I wasn't able to workout so I just made up for it on Sunday.  It was a rough week in the gym.  Monday with my last day of goblet squats and it being my last movement, sets of 5, I almost said screw it and went home.  The gym has started to become super crowded in the mornings before PT hours which was part of the reason I was just ready to call it quits and go home.   I mean I have a kettlebell at home that I could use that is the same weight as the one in the gym I use.  I sucked it up and did it anyway.  With a little bit of yelling at myself in my head.

Sunday, I talked to my coach and he added plyometrics into my programming.  I was really looking forward to my deload week, taking it nice and easy and letting my body recuperate.  But back to the grind I went on Monday and today felt better than yesterday. My body was definitely exhausted yesterday.  I had no desire to do anything at all after leaving the gym.  I have actually enjoyed doing the box jumps.  I'm just glad those suckers at the gym are soft cause I definitely didn't pick up my feet on one of them at all and landed completely on my shins!  

I am worried about my nutrition and have asked my coach to take a look at what I'm eating and if I'm doing anything wrong because I just feel like I am.  I was down to 54.9 kilos when he first started me on my new nutrition plan for Barbells and Brews at the end of September.  We are trying to get me down to 53kg class for this meet.  Since being on the base for the new plan I've jumped up to 56.7kg and am concerned that I won't make it down to 53kg.  I mean almost 4 kilos in about a month and a half.  My brain is freaking out and trying to trust the process but it's hard right now.  I can't explain how much my mind is freaking out right now!  I start cut 1 on Sunday and I'm sending my nutrition to my coach most likely Saturday so hopefully that will help and I can not freak out so much.

What Has This World Come To?

I never type things like this because part of me feels it's better to keep my opinion out of this political mess and all the craziness of the world.  Anytime someone posts something political these days it ends in more fighting and people turning against each other.  

North Korea is claiming they are going to launch a missile at Guam, and honestly I'm worried cbeause I've got a friend deployed there.  As ready as soldiers are to go to war I always pray that it doesn't happen.  What happened to North Korea that made them believe that the USA was responsible for all their problems and we're the enemy?    What makes people not just want to get together and talk and make compromises or even explain why the feel a certain way?  Yes, communication is hard between people when you feel resentment, hurt, etc. It's hard to change our points of view on things and I know I don't know everything going on with the situation on NK and I'm not even going to pretend like I do.  But a country hating another so much just baffles me. It honestly hurts to think that people can think this way.  But I know that if NK does decide to launch a missile at Guam the boys are ready to go after'em.

The incident in Charlottesville where people were ran down by a car trying to stand against racism is just sad.  What does it matter what color someone's skin is or what they believe?  People with Nazi beliefs still exist and that honestly baffles me!  People are deemed superior by the traits they carry. And maybe I'm just naive. I'm not going to pretend to know the whole situation because I obviously don't.  But I do need to stay more up to date on what's going on in this world, or it will give me more anxiety (haha).  I figured all that was gone.  After hearing what happened to so many people during the Holocaust how can people still believe in things like this.  I know racism still existed towards blacks but towards peoples beliefs and lifestyle?  And then the incident in Charlottesville led to a statue being pulled down in Durham of a confederate soldier and stomped on.  And then Maryland started moving several of it's statues out overnight and now more places are removing Confederate statues.  I understand that it does have some negative memories for many people, but that is apart of our history.  We remember our past and see how those events have brought us to the great place (inspite of all that is happening today) we are today.  

We have so many more freedoms, choices, and luxuries than many other countries do.  Where in the world did people get the idea that they could act like idiots in this world?  I'm truly am shocked and broken hearted by how people are acting these days.  It's like they were raised in a barn yard and can act however they what.  I honestly am not sure what to say about how people are acting these days.  And I understand there is a lot of hate for Trump.  How he reacted to what happened in Charlottesville is shocking to people.  He didn't really seemed that concerned with what happened.  And honestly I feel like he's more concerned with his popularity and posted tweets on twitter than he seems to be with what is going on.  Focus more on what your country needs to have done and the issues that are going on, like people being run down for their views.  The big issues between countries is just as important as the big issues that happen in this country.

But when talking to a friend last night he was reminding me that towards the time when Christ returns people will turn against each other for race and religion.  We as Christians will see what they are doing and how they are acting is wrong, but they will think it's the right thing to do.  Now am I saying that time is coming?  No, but it is a scary thought to think about.

So What Else is Going On?

Work (school) starts again in, o jeez, about a week.  And I start school at the beginning of Sept. Only for a month and a half though.  And then maybe onto the class that follows that.   This would mean I would be taking 3 classes back to back in a full semester....hmmmm.  But that's nothing compared to when I was in college taking 4-5 classes per semester.  So why am I complaining about taking 3 classes back to back?  I guess I'm just nervous since I'm taking sign language and last time I kind of freaked out on myself.  Just deep breaths and I'll be okay.  

My savage swim bathing suit finally came after trying to figure out what patterns and solids I wanted to mix and match.  I finally made a decision on Independence Day when they were offering 20% off haha.  Hey, I saved about $40 on a $200 bathing suit.  I know, I know...$200 for a bathing suit is a bit ridiculous but I love these things.  And they get to express some of me that some people might not get to see. O and I can basically get 4 bathing suits out of just one. 

Mom and I went to the beach on Monday (8/21), and basically spent the entire day there.  I had to run around a finish taking care of some animals first that morning after hitting the gym.  And while I was gone, because neither one of us really cared bout the eclipse of 2017 at first we didn't bother to get glasses, Mom ran and got some cereal boxes to try and make us a way to see the eclipse, even though it would be a reflection.  We got there and got lunch first on the pier at Oceania.  I'm a crab cake lover!  And then back down to lay out in the sun.  This girl's got to work on her tan haha.  I did stop one of the paramedics because I got bit by something and it has made my hand swell up.  Not sure exactly what it was that bit me.  Just hoping it gets better soon!  As it started getting closer to time for the eclipse we started trying to use our boxes...no luck though.  They didn't work.  But people were nice enough to let us look through their glasses every so often.  You could feel a change in the weather and the sky got gloomy but no complete darkness like some other places had.  It was definitely cool to experience.  We stayed on the beach until 6pm and then headed home.  I actually feel asleep on the beach! Just glad I didn't get burnt.  That would not have felt good.  But back to the beach on Friday for some girl time with Krystal.

Fidget...

I don't get to talk to him a lot and I know he's busy with work.  And I knew that work would keep him busy.  But it does suck not being able to talk to him.  I am ready for him to come home though.  As far as I know he is doing well while out of town for work.  I pray for him practically every day; far more than I pray for myself.  Part of me hopes he surprises me when he gets back.