The Unforetold Future

My goal has been to post at least one blog a week, obviously that has not happened.  I like to write about things that have really touched my heart that I want to share with you, and lately as much as some things have hit me here and there, it hasn't stayed with me for awhile.  So I'm hoping to get inspired every week to write something for you and if they don't come every week, when I do write I hope that you can take something away from it and are touched by it.  Knowing that you can take what you've read and apply it to your life.

CrossFit Guild family (some of them) on Community WOD Saturday.

I have had many plans for my life, as for as my career goes, since I was a little girl.  I've wanted to be a veterinarian, then work with dolphins and whales as a trainer, open my own CrossFit gym, to training soldiers and Special Forces.  All of these plans for my life haven't quite worked out and I can honestly say at this point in my life I have no idea where my life is going.  That's hard to believe that as a 27 year old, I have no idea where my life is headed.  Now before you judge me on how I should have a plan for my life, just
read the story.  I have lost a job that I truly loved due to my own mistake that I wish I could change everyday.  I miss coaching and having that family atmosphere.  I feel out of place and pushed away because of it.  And yes some of this is in my own head.  Mental struggles are the worst.  After moving to where I am at now, a military town, I have not had the best luck when it comes to keeping a job and that can be mental damaging to anyone.  

"Casting all your anxieties on him, because he cares for you."

1 Peter 5:7

"Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus."

Philippians 4:6-7

My goals have changed so much since first moving here.  Career goals have gone to the back burner, and are not so much my focus anymore.  The goal is just to get back on my feet.  There is some desire in there for where I want my life to go, but it feels only temporary.  I have a goal that ignites my heart.  I want to inspire and encourage others through sharing my struggles and my journey with Christ through them.  That you are not alone in what you are going through: finances, ending of a relationship, fitness and nutrition.  Almost as if I'm a motivational speaker.  I never would have thought that I would have wanted to do something like that considering how nervous I used to get just doing a speech in front of my public speaking class in college.  I would also really like to work with kids/adolescents and guiding them toward Christ.  I want to look up and smile after an interaction with them, knowing that I had an impact on their life.

CrossFit Northlake Family, SWAT

My life is currently full of struggle, mostly financial, and has been for the past 2 years.  Not something I am proud of by any means and am honestly embarrassed by.  The constant worry of if I'll be able to pay my bills coming up is mentally taxing.  I've been offered so many times to come home and to get back on my feet and it is very tempting.  That would let me spend more time with my niece and get to watch her grow up, not to mention with another one on the way.  I would also get to spend more time with my grandparents, and be apart of a great CrossFit community but one of the reasons I haven't returned home despite what I'm going through is I don't feel God pulling me back there.  It seems as if overtime I star to get ahead and start to plan how I'm going to get my life back together I get kicked back down.  Maybe God is punishing me for my actions, maybe he is trying to pull me back closer to him for my final stray away.  All I know is that he has a plan for me.  I have an idea of what I want for my life in my head but even then, God has something greater planned than I could never even think of.

"The heart of man plans his way, but the Lord establishes his steps."

Proverbs 16:9

"The plans of the heart belong to man,
but the answer of the tongue is from the Lord."
Proverbs 16:1

But how can I believe such a thing?  I've read through chapters of the Bible many times and some it provides me with wisdom and clarity or a complete slap in the face as a reminder that things will be okay.  It's almost as if what I am reading is God speaking directly to me.  HIs words have given me comfort in the worst of times and he's answered even the most simple prayers.  I mean something as simple as me asking to run into some guy friends I haven't seen in awhile becauseI want to know they're doing alright.  And let's face it, living in a military town sometimes I go months without seeing friends.  The only thing that truly keeps pushing me forward is my strong belief in God's word, a feeling that's hard to describe.

My niece, Addison

I may not truly know what I want to do with the rest of my life, but working with kids, military and spreading my story is part of that and God is my inspiration.  We all have different things that inspire us like the person you look up to, the accomplishment of reaching your end goal, proving people wrong who say you can't do something.  God provides the good and bad in my life, but getting to that point doesn't come from God alone.  I can't expect it to just be handed to me, I have to work for it.  Just as Proverbs 10:4 says,

"A lazy hand makes for poverty, but diligent hands bring wealth."

Also,

"A sluggard's appetite is never filled, 

but the desires of the diligent are

fully satisfied."

-Proverbs 13:4

He is my inspiration to inspire others through my stories of struggle and of positivity, and fitness and nutrition journey.  God has gotten me through it all.  To inspire young kids/adolescents and build their faith in him.

I hope that as I go through my journey, you will enjoy the story and be able to relate and know that you're not along in what you're going through.  That you find some strength in this blog and the encouragement to rely on God when things seem at their worst.  Besides my stubborn and strong-willed personality it is God and his word that has kept me going.  I may not ever fully have an idea what the future holds for me, and I pray that someday I do because not knowing can be disheartening.

God has already answered some prayers in my life of giving me the opportunity to work with kids.  I am currently substitute teaching middle school kids of our nation's soldiers.  I just pray I find that way to lead them and make and impact on their lives.  Please pray for me as I find the way to do so.  I want to find a way to inspire others, encourage them and lead them through my faith.  And that doesn't mean just lead those who already believe in God but also those who do not believe at all.  So if you are going through rough times and think no one has any idea what if feels like, there is someone out there who has gone through or is going through what you are.  You aren't alone in your journey.  Keep your head it, it will pass.

"Many are the plans in a person's heart, but it is the LORD's purpose that prevails."

Proverbs 19:21

~God Bless

"Training strength and endurance mentally, physically, and spiritually."